When I first began typing this article ~ the initial thought of writing about and sharing my Costa Rica experience ~ I immediately asked myself: āWhat is the intention behind sharing this experience?ā
The impact of taking Ayahuasca, going through one of the most powerful experiences of my life, has generated an embodiment of intentional awareness more critically than ever before. Being back in the busyness of Austin, TX, after being off the grid, grounded within the jungles of Costa Rica, has created a contrasting awareness of the norms and habits Iāve been so used to in the developed world.
The striking effect of the inward journey I went through catalyzed an invigoration of clarity, openness to different frequencies of elevated emotions, and compassion. In what felt like a lifetime but was only a weekāsĀ outwardĀ journey south of the U.S., I am now integrating what I experienced/learned while addressing regular day-to-day responsibilities.
Thankfully, I am surrounded by amazing friends and a community that allows me to share the experience in a way that feels respected, genuinely received, naturally curious, and open. But I also feel that writing about it, parsing the insights that flowed, feelings that had arisen, and theĀ miraĆ§Ć£o, would help me progress towards eloquently describing the experience with words that hit deeper. Writing helps clarify the thoughts that flow in our consciousness. That clarification can reach people optimally and comprehensively while enabling me to understand what I went through more intimately. Words allow us to map out this continuously complex reality that we live in while still maintaining a degree of inadequacy. Soā¦ here we go.
Life is the Ceremony: the stage in my life leading up to Ayahuasca.
In the latter half of 2021, I moved across the country to Austin. I had just accepted a job position with a bitcoin startup, a company that felt very much aligned with some of my core beliefs, and they had encouraged me to make the move. Aside from the business motive, my outlook towards Austin was positively vibrant, and it has already exceeded the small number of expectations that I had made. I was ready for a change after the Covid lockdowns, as well. Twitter and Instagram gave me a glimpse of how Austinās culture was currently forming. One of the people I had followed before even thinking about the decision to move was my now great friendĀ Jay.
I drove from New England to Central Texas and became acquainted with my apartment. One day, as I was scrolling through my Twitter feed, I noticed that one of Jayās pictures that he posted depicted an apartment that looked identical to mine. Serendipitously, he happened to be living in my complex, and I ran into him by the apartment pool. From there, our friendship has grown organically. He saw me at a stage in which I held a lower self-worth perspective of myself and less confidence.
Through time and many encounters, through feelings of doubt and insecurity, our trust and friendship grew. Throughout the year and a half, between the day we met and the day I left for Costa Rica, he invited me to Zilker park workouts with other like-minded men and to a gym that instills rawness, authenticity, and primal energy here in Austin. Jay pointed me into a direction that made me a much healthier man. I was already making progress around changing unhealthy habits (I speak to past personal challenges here) and sculpting my journey prior to moving to Texas, but Jay helped push the momentum of my growth into a new gear.
When I first arrived to Austin, I was inconsistent with my strength-training regiment and nutrition plan. I was still using alcohol as an escape but was forming a better relationship around it once I got there and the frequency to which I consumed it was diminishing. I still didnāt feel like I was consistently BEING my true, natural, and superior self. There were certain things I needed to work on aligning with and letting go of, but I couldnāt figure out how to take a step toward that intuitive feeling.
The gym I now go to has made a physical training routine something I look forward to, not a task. This gymās sense of community and raw culture has made disciplining strength training, mobility training, nutrition, and focusing on mental/emotional health smooth. Youāve got friends who support your growth instead of trying to pull you back to a lower level.
On top of that, the gym extended its operations by hosting a podcasting studio. You can finish a workout, sauna/ice bath sessions, and walk a few steps to the studio fresh off the temperature contrast session. The timing of them opening the studio was divine, coinciding with me expressing at my friend Michelleās event,Ā Metamen, that I would finally take the plunge into theĀ podcasting world! Formulating this passion project has been very rewarding. I can invite leaders at the gym to connect more deeply via conversation and share it with others. Podcasting has invited another way for me to challenge myself. This podcasting project truly provides a feeling that Iām on a path that flows with my soul.
And so, this feeling of becoming more aligned, being present, building healthy friendships had all picked up towards the end of 2022, but I still felt as though I had an internal obstacle. I felt blockages that were preventing me from feeling elevated emotions of bliss, freedom, love, and joy. As Joe Dispenza states,
āEmotions are energy in motion. All energy is frequency and all frequency carries information. Based on our own personal thoughts and feelings, we are always sending and receiving information.ā
Development of physical strength, mental sharpness, nutrition and diet on point, and alignment with relationships were now present in my life. But deeply held emotions from so many years ago lingered, and I had no idea how to shed these dragging layers. I recall sharing with a friend or two a month before ingesting Ayahuasca that it was challenging to release certain emotions on both sides of the spectrum.
As a man, sharing thatĀ information, thisĀ frequencyĀ with others, wasĀ held back by my ego. The neurological networks Iāve created and the instructions Iāve made for my mental software have made it challenging to release specific emotions. Whether they are elevated feelings of intense joy or difficult emotions of grief and sadness, I have suppressed them to maintain the story in my psyche that I would be judged as weak or inferior in some shape or form. Past events and programming have led me to mold my ego this way. And this is common for men. Itās not sustainable in modern, developed society, but I can understand why men trained their ego to hide certain emotions in past periods of human history. Not revealing certain emotions may help with maintaining security and power over others. But it wonāt provide power for your own self in the long run.
Being unable to express the trueness that arises due to programmed conditioning leads to inauthenticity. By shoving these emotions deep down, we are unable to display a part of ourselves in the present moment that is a representation of our authenticity. By not portraying our authentic selves, we attract the wrong energy into our lives. As one of my friends River has stated:
āNot being authentic becomes painful. It forces you to wear a mask and hide your true self from the world. This āinner conflictā manifests physically in the form of all sorts of health issues (anxiety, depression, cancer, you name it).
By speaking our truth and openly expressing our genuine thoughts and emotions, we create space to find the people we are truly meant to connect with. When we live from the heart, everything begins to fall into place. And from that place of āinner harmonyā our health improves.ā
My brief research on Ayahuasca led me to believe that this plant medicine, thisĀ teacher,Ā with respectful and clear intentions, could assist with these emotional layers. Stepping into 2023, I felt called to attend Jayās retreat as a tribute to heading into my 30th birthday. I met with Jay for an ice bath and sauna session to inform him I was committing and bought my flight tickets.
Preparation.
Jay provides a guide you can follow once you signupāthe Doās and Donāts. I did not drink any alcohol for over a month and a half (and have continued to not drink ever since), no casual sex or masturbating, stayed away from negative social media (for the most part), ate minimal amounts of sugar, 4-5 sauna sessions and 1-2 ice plunges per week, strength and mobility training 4-5 days a week, meditated/breath work daily, had less than a quarter of a cup of coffee a day, etc.
Over the course of the past year, my nutrition plan has been solid. Austin, Texas has a plethora of farmers and ranchers that provide highly nutritious and no BS food sources. I buy a quarter of a cow every few months from a local rancher that raises his cows ethically without any of the unhealthy additives (antibiotics, hormones, etc.) My diet consists of predominantly animal-based protein, bone broth, dairy, fruit, and some veggies. The week prior to the retreat I switched to chicken instead of beef. Some say that going full vegetarian is recommended. It depends on the person in my opinion.
At some point I plan on investing into a personalized nutrition plan to know which foods best fit my microbiome and body, but for now I stick to whole foods and remain attentive to the source. Removing out all of the bullshit - seed oils, artificial ingredients, massive amounts of sugars - has been a game changer. If you take a month to be intentional with this, itās not hard and it evolves to an autopilot mode. Youāll be doing your brain and the rest of your body a favor.
Throughout the two months before the retreat, my mind continuously questioned whether I was prepping sufficiently. For the most part, and I knew this would be difficult, I wanted to be intentional with using my phone. If I were to have done one thing better, it wouldāve been minimizing my phone use and opting out of social media completely. I didnāt do it then, but now utilize theĀ one sec app. This app has changed the relationship between my brainās dopamine receptors and clicking on social media apps. Due to the pause and breath you take before heading into the feed, your brain is trained not to receive dopamine as soon as you click it instantly.
I listened to podcasts and read books, but it wasnāt as intentional as I would have liked. Being on Instagram and Twitter shouldāve been totally off the table, but I run all of the micro content for my podcast and the gravity of connecting with people pulled me in.
There was a moment when I watched aĀ podcast with Aubrey Marcus and Robert MaloneĀ about two weeks before departing for Costa Rica. It was a fascinating podcast, but there were grim aspects, and my thought process questioned whether that grim news would deter my Aya experience. Watching this episode was one of the multiple instances in which the self-awareness spotlight turned on and I questioned my inputs and scrutinized myself for overloading on pointless internet scrolling (which in hindsight is a great lesson from now on! Being intentional with your inputs).
I learned from this that everything leading up to and during the Ayahuasca experienceĀ was meant to happen as is.Ā Purifying your mind and body before taking the medicine is important and I believe that if you feel a strong call to take this journey, whatever experience one goes through is exactly the way it was meant to be. Whatās revealed in the above mentioned podcast episode confirmed what I already knew, but to a slightly higher degree of how bad it was. It may have ended up affecting myĀ miraĆ§Ć£o. Iām honestly not sure. I believe the medicine provided what I needed, and that belief is backed by how I felt afterward. I feel empowered and stronger than before.
Thatās not to say that you shouldnāt appropriately prepare and seek guidance, but stressing about the purification process and overthinking about it defeats the entire purpose.Ā If you feel called to this medicine, you will know intuitively. That intuition in itself should be enough for you to step forward with confidence and presence. I had relayed to the men on the retreat and to other friends that I was most proud of how present I was throughout the entire time in Costa Rica. I set NO expectations, and I genuinely believe this is the optimal way to head into an Ayahuasca ceremony.
As to other prepping methodologies, Iām sure there are more modalities and practices you can get into. Iām simply relaying what I did and Iām sure things may change, improvements will be made, if I decide to immerse into another Ayahuasca ceremony in the future. Would love to hear feedback and recommendations from others on this.
~Setting intentions through writing prompts~
Why are you deciding to drink Ayahuasca? Is it the lustful side of you that wants to feel ecstasy, the sensational pleasures? Do you feel it will provide a bolstering of ego, masquerading as spiritual wisdom? Or are you trying to find true clarity, wisdom, and guidance in order to be able to execute on becoming a stronger form of yourself? To dispel the illusions you may hold. To be a more compassionate individual within every realm of your life. Or maybe youāre simply curious about the medicineās effects and supposed history.
As I stated in the beginning of this article, writing helps set your consciousness in order. You can granulize the thoughts and experiences that appear and better understand how to navigate the world through writing. Leading up to the retreat, I put a magnifying glass up to the internal challenges I have faced since I was a little boy. I brought clarity to my values, internal challenges I wanted to let go of, and set higher intentions moving forward.
Day One: Kambo.
I flew into San Jose, and once I found all the guys at the airport embarking on the retreat with me, we tipped our valet, got into our taxi, and drove south to Dominical. The long, mountainous, and windy roads kept us awake, but we were exhausted from travel and ready for sleep. The drive was nearly four hours, marking the full traveling timeframe from 3:30 AM to 8 PM almost 15 hours.
We eventually made it toĀ Casa Nautika, a beautiful retreat home near the coast, within the jungle of Dominical. This was Saturday night. Sunday, I woke up around 5:30 AM to the noises ofĀ howler monkeys, exotic birds, and insects. We all did some Wim Hoff breath work and met our leader C, a wise, soft-spoken man who would be assisting with conducting the Kambo, Ayahuasca, and Temazcal ceremonies. He asked us individually what we sought from the medicines to be provided. Each of us expressed some of the challenges we faced that were difficult for us to improve upon.
After the discussion with C concluded, myself and one other gentleman were the first to immerse into the Kambo ceremony. Iāve included a description of Kambo below.
The Kambo ceremony accounts for the discomfort and is structured to provide a safe setting for a challenging experience. People participate in Kambo knowing what awaits. There are no distractions from the experience because, with Kambo, there shouldnāt be. Itās a common saying that Kambo gives you what you need, but not what you want. In this sense, Kambo is both frog poison and frog medicineā¦
Kambo is frequently offered alongside ayahuasca, ibogaine, 5-MeO-DMT, and other plant medicines for holistic treatment. According to practitioners, the skin secretions āresetsā the body, not only by strengthening the immune system but also through distinct psycho-spiritual benefits.
Panemaāan Arawak term used by the Ashaninka and othersādescribes a negative energy that gathers over time. Traditionally visualized as a kind of dense grey cloud or aura, panema is blamed for bad luck, depression, laziness, irritation, and other adverse states. Naturally, clearing this cloud is vital for indigenous groups that depend on hunting and community coherence. For many, kambo serves this purpose.
Outside of traditional contexts, the dissipation of panema is framed in terms of āclearing the pain body,ā ārealigning the chakras,ā or reorganizing personal psychology. The purge itself may be felt as an expulsion of bad thoughts, habits, negative personality traits, or persistent life problems.
A profoundly transformational tool, kambo medicine is known to increase compassion, courage, emotional stability, and personal sovereignty. Some users feel more ārealā or āsolidā after kambo applicationāless in their heads and more in their bodies. Frustration, anger, and anxiety also tend to reduce or dissipate entirely. These positive changes may last several days or several months, depending on the application and the person receiving it. - Source
Two chairs were placed close to the center of a temple-like meditation room. As myself and the other gentleman sat in the chairs, several small points on my right arm's skin were burned for the Kambo to be applied. Expectations of nausea and puking were in my mind as each point in my arm was administered the frog substance. While receiving the Kambo, our line of sight straight ahead consisted of the outdoor sun shining, the jungle, and the ocean near the coast of Costa Rica. Once fully applied, the Kambo song was sung by C, him standing behind us as we embraced what was to come physiologically.
We were instructed to chug as much water as possible, even between purging moments (throwing up). This was a difficult thing to do amidst feeling nauseous. The gentleman next to me began to puke, but I felt nothing. I was administered a second and smaller dose of Kambo within the burning points. That did the trick ;) Immediately a hot flash consumed my entire face and head, my hands and feet tingling. My heart rate had to have sped up to 160 bpm. A minute passed of me surrendering to this bodily discomfort, and I purged. I was drinking as much water as I could in between, then throwing up again.
As this process continued for a short while, C continued toĀ sing, and when he concluded, he stated a prayer of loving oneself. When his words vibrated outward, the gentleman beside me and I began releasing emotions. There were no conscious thoughts or memories that appeared. It was an energetic release that I had never experienced before. Typing that last sentence would have made my previous self cringe, but it is true. A natural allowance to cry. It felt as if a large portion (but not all) of three decades of emotions, traumas, and challenging experiences pent up within me, flowed out. We laid down and rested for a few minutes. The next round of men began to sit in the chairs for their experience to commence.
Day Two: The First Ayahuasca Ceremony.
After Kambo, we were able to rest for most of the day. It felt as if multiple layers of emotions had lifted off of my shoulders. This weight in my throat, the choked-up feeling you get in fearful moments, had stuck with me for so long. Weeks, months, years of that choked-up feeling, and it was gone. We had a light meal for dinner, journaled, and talked amongst ourselves. Listening to the songs of the jungle. The next day, we did moreĀ Wim HofĀ breath work, stretched, and then took off towards a great valley where the temple was located.
As we drove, cliffs extended to create this majestic valley, the cliffs covered with greenery. We were off the grid, and the intimacy of the temple made the ceremonies special. I had heard from others that some retreat centers that facilitate Ayahuasca ceremonies could include up to 30-100 people. Ours was less than 20 or around that, and the temple was small, deep in the jungle.
We all assembled our beds and made our space comfy, the beds aside from one another on the outskirts of the temple, against the wall. We became familiar with the area, assisted with bringing firewood located at a distance from the temple, and then patiently waited for the ceremony to commence. With a large sand pit that held space for a fire in the center of the temple, it provided a warm sense of light that would guide us through the night as the medicine swept us away.
Once the sun set and darkness consumed the jungle, a fire was lit, and the facilitators of the ceremony began to assemble. Some sleeping participants began to stir as they realized the ceremony was beginning. I was wide awake, waiting, ready to allow the experience to come. Candles were all around the temple windows, and the table where the cups of Ayahuasca were served was lit. All but one of the facilitators were present, sitting at the head table. From the south entrance of the temple, a tall man stepped out of the shadows, walked over, and sat in the center area of the table. The gentleman, K, had this gentle but king-like presence, with a deep singing voice that would vibrate with the deep drum he played throughout the night.
Everyone was awake, sitting up within their beds staring around the temple. The ceremony began with K welcoming everyone and providing a warm and graceful message that provided context for what one may expect. He briefly introduced the religion of Santo Daime and Master Irineu. Once his commentary concluded, the singing began by the facilitators, and we were all instructed to line up, women and men, within two separate lines on each side of the fire pit.
One-by-one, each individual partaking in the ceremony would kneel down and receive a cup of the plant medicine. I watched the men on our retreat take it, Jay going first. I knelt down, looked at K whoās face was bright from the candlelight. He smiled and offered me the first cup. I motioned a movement of gratitude and gulped the first cup down, walking back to my bed. As I sat there, my mind was still, observing the scenery in front of me. I did not feel anything after taking the first cup which is a typical occurrence for most first-timers.
Ten minutes had passed, still sober, and I began to watch a few of the women purge. The woman closest to us had volatile experiences, throwing up, crying, and laughing hysterically. At one point, as she was lying on her back, her body began to rise with her back arching, and she pronounced this deeper moan that was slightly fearful to witness (I promise I am not trying to embellish this for a more riveting narrative). That only lasted a short while, she later was calm for most of the night.
Observing this woman was the first test of maintaining a calm internal state. Since I was not feeling the force of the medicine at that time, I was wondering what the heck would be next for me after making those observations. Despite that quick moment of doubt, I remained present, and within 20-30 minutes, the second cup was offered. As choreographed before, I lined up, knelt, and looked at Kās candlelit smile, jungle noises pursuing, and music playing. I walked away from the table back to my area. I sat straight up on my bed, back against the wall. Within minutes a powerful physiological force swept my entire body. A physical feeling that I have never felt before. My intuition guided me to lie down and embrace the present moment of what was to occur as I began to blast off into the astral world.
Back at Casa Nautika, before the ceremonies, a bookshelf filled with 40-50 books caught my eye, particularlyĀ The Religion of Ayahuasca by Alex Polari De Alverga. After the retreat, upon arriving back in the U.S., I read this book. Alex has a fantastic way of using words to describe an indescribable experience. Reading it after the Ayahuasca ceremonies enabled me to embody his words andĀ honestly knowĀ what he was saying instead of the words passing by intellectually. In one section of the book, he describes one of his experiences with the medicineās effects. It is one of my favorite quotes from the many highlighted sections I made in the book. It hits home explaining my own perceived experience:
āI felt the unforgettable to be happening. The bitter taste of the Daime seemed to adhere to my cells, and a strange energy was condensed within me. It was the force. The maracaās cadence contained ecstasy and joy within the limits of serenity. Consciousness was awakening in many directions with many meanings. The best thing to do was to
āuphold time,ā as Padrinho used to sayā¦The force is a powerful energy that precedes the miraĆ§Ć£o. It is as though all the gifts, attributes, and vital functions of our body organs become visible. We become conscious of many processes and phenomena, the end result of which is what we call life, the intelligent principle that gives existence to all that lives. The perception of this undulating pulse, the permanent life within the ephemeral one, made us feel and understand the spirit, the immortal self that is independent of reason or metabolic states. The miraĆ§Ć£o that follows is a pure spiritual perception. It helps to locate and affirm the superior self and so encourages us to discern the labyrinth of reflections and illusions that tries to confuse us.ā
Alex notes in Might the Gods be Alkaloids:
āThe visions induced by this beverage are unequaled in their brilliance and content, and are unique because they allow the āselfā to participate in the interior events of a cosmic state of consciousness.ā
The artist, Pablo Amaringo, has created paintings inspired by his shamanic visions received by Ayahuasca. The below two pictures resonate with the visionary state that I had.
Intuitively, I kept my eyes closed for 2-3 hours. Whenever I attempted to open them, it felt as if the force of the medicine edged my nervous system to close them again. My right hand was placed over my heart and my left over my stomach as the flourishing of physical activations within those areas perpetuated. The visionary states produced by the beverage were brilliant, and the highest degree of elevated emotions filled me. Joy, bliss, love, and freedom flowed, and I began to laugh. The degree of the elevated emotion felt fresh, as fresh as a childās pure consciousness experiencing their first joyous moment.
All these sensational feelings were coinciding at once: bodilyĀ physicalĀ activation within theĀ energy centers, the most vitalĀ visionaryĀ states observed, emotional energizing, and musical vibrations filling the temple. My ability to recognize the slightest out-of-rhythm moment within the sequence of instruments playing was sharp. It was as if my awareness of vibrational energy was acute as an eagleās eyesight. There were times where it became slightly overwhelmingā¦
The music began to change when our leader C stepped in. He began to beat on a deep-toned drum, singing vocals that resembled Native American war chanting. The drum was solely being played, contrasting the previous songs that intertwined guitar and maracas. My internal state began to shift in a darker direction. As the visual forms observed and feelings shifted from joy to grit, this phase of the first Ayahuasca ceremony brought an energy that felt like I was being prepared for spiritual warfare. Embracing a deed that will entail strength and courage. The guiding action that prevailed for me was to focus on my breath whenever the experience intensified.
At one point, the combination of visual formations and physical activations had coalesced vividly, creating an interpretation of an extraterrestrial entity scanning my entire body. It sounds insane, I know. But supposed experiences of extraterrestrials during Ayahuasca ceremonies are not an uncommon thing. There was little doubt about what was happening as it was happening from my perspective. Looking back, I still have trouble explaining away the validity of the experience. It felt as real as the regular day-to-day routines in Austin, TX.
To this day, I ponder on what was the cause and what was the effect. Were the vibrations from the musical instruments the cause of how my internal experience evolved? Iām unsure. Iāve passionately emphasized music throughout my life, beginning to play drums at age eight. So, music has had the effect of profoundly changing my emotional state. Eventually, the music changed, and a unique situation occurred.
K slowly began to beat on a drum. The build up of the drumming grew louder and louder until he began singing: Exists.
As he sang the above song, he walked around the temple stopping at the foot of each of our beds. He would bang the drum above us while singing, the drum's pulse vibrating. At this point, I was still deep into myĀ miraĆ§Ć£o, and the vibrations of his singing and the drum felt like they were filling my heart and soul. Minutes went by as he paced away from the end of my bed, and I felt something crawling in my ear. Keep in mind, throughout the entire time in Costa Rica, tons of insects surrounding you were a typical scenario. But this sequence of events has stuck with me.
During the beginning of the covid lockdowns, I had a terrible nightmare that I have never been able to shed. It was a nightmare I had considered just thatā¦ a dream, nothing more after immediately waking up. But the belief that it could be possible was faintly held within my subconscious. A fear of a national government entity encroaching over the freedoms of humanity using highly advanced nanotechnology. This was sparked due to some of the books I had read and the creativity of my consciousness curating what could be possible for organizations to commit to after observing the madness that the Covid lockdowns presented.
In this nightmare, I was in the room I was sleeping in. The point of view was as if I was standing over my sleeping body, observing the dream from that angle. A microscopic flying device in the guise of an insect had flown into my ear and lodged into the back of my head. Days after this nightmare had occurred, I was shocked to feel a bump on the back of my neck within the next few days. Maybe a bug had bitten me in my sleep. Perhaps it was acne or some irritation. I donāt know. But feeling that bump gave me the chills.
That was in 2020. Letās return to being in the temple after feeling this bug in my ear. I lifted my hand to grab whatever it was, and to my surprise, it was a black worm. At least, that was what appeared to me as the Ayahuasca circulated vibrantly in my veins. I was deep in the medicineās effects. Shocked, I threw the worm onto the ground next to me and sat abruptly in my bed. Jay noticed and locked eyes with me, wondering what was going on. I signaled a notion of being alright and began to feel around the floor to see where it landed, but I could not find it anywhere.
Directly after it happened, I wasnāt in a state of mind to think critically if that was physical reality or a psychedelic hallucination. To this day, I still donāt know if it was real.Ā Regardless of what it was, the perceived experience dispelled any attached belief and fear I held within my subconscious.Ā
What came next were insights and flows of conscious thoughts that allowed me to view over half a dozen close relationships within my life from a divine masculine perspectiveāconsidering how I could be a more understanding son, leading by example for my sisters instead of calling out certain things, having compassion for my grandmother who lived through tumultuous times. These thoughts were not a pathological rumination but a steady peaceful, stream of unique insights that formed a new perspective, much more optimally than ever before.
The entire timespan of this first ceremony was around 6-8 hours and started around 8 PM. The amount of sleep was short, but I was energized for the next day.
Fun fact: we learned the following day by word of one of the facilitators that March 7th, 2023 brought an alignment of seven planets together, an event that only occurs every 250 years. š¤Æ
Day Three: Temazcal & Second Aya Ceremony.
For multiple hours the next day, a fire was heating volcano rocks. Over 20 of them were heated for the purpose of placing them inside a medium-sized hole within the center of the sweat lodge we planned on sitting in. There were multiple rounds of placing the stones in the hole, allowing for a short moment of cool air within the three-hour timespan in which we were sitting/lying inside. After the first night of Ayahuasca, we all awoke from a long, transformative experience. We had time to slowly awaken into our own rhythm, eat a light meal, and hop into the river that was around 30 feet away from the sweat lodge.
As we all enjoyed the cold river water in anticipation of enduring three hours inside the hot lodge, one of the Aya ceremony participants began telling us stories of his experiences with dark shamans. I felt gratitude for the trust built with Jay and the facilitators of the Aya ceremony. The stories told were a lesson in researching the individuals who conduct the ceremonies, for they may appear genuinely light on the outside but deceiving on the inside. Stories of darkness coincided with entering the dark sweat lodge.
We all piled inside, around 12 or so people sitting on the edges of the temazcal. Throughout the timespan of being inside, four rounds of volcano rocks were added, each round consisting of intentional prayers by either our leader, C, or three others that joined us. C poured water on the stones multiple times so that the enclosed small lodge was filled with steam, immediately drenching all of us. After an hour or so, I laid down to relax my body and mind, focusing on my breath and getting through the discomfort. My guess is that the temperature inside was above 170 F. My friend Dylan was beside me and wrote about the experience in the below post.
As Dylan mentions in his writing, C provided a hard-hitting statement:
āIn the West, we treat everything by the symptoms. What we feel and what we see. The symptoms are always treated first. Allow the body to experience what it is experiencing, allow it to surpass its limits. In life, Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.ā
In my experience, the long duration of enduring the heat forced me to embody precisely this. Allowing the experience to go on with less suffering and for my body to take on the discomfort with less anguish. But there were still multiple moments of anxious thought patterns. The survival mode wanted to kick in, try to escape out of the hot lodge. Focusing on the breath allowed me to move forward for most of the duration inside.
Once the experience concluded, we all crawled out. The feeling of crawling out symbolized a moment of the āshedding of layers and a rebirth of the soul.ā I shuffled away from the sweat lodge and lay on the forest soil for at least 10 minutes, staring at the sky, exhausted. As I motioned towards the river where everyone else was, it was a struggle to stand, let alone walk. I made it to the cool water. We did it. We got through such a challenging experience.
I looked at my friend Dylan as we stood in the river, absorbing the blessing of mother natureās cold water and gave him a huge hug. Minutes later, I spoke to one of the other brothers participating in our retreat. He looked at me, smiled, and said āyou look bright with confidenceā. What was amazing during this retreat was that this gentleman had always had a stutter. At this moment, after getting out of the heat, his speech was clear, with no stutter. The entire group radiating with smiles and love. It was a beautiful moment.
We all hydrated, trekked back to the temple, showered and napped. I fell asleep with the sun setting inside the temple. I awoke in the night to a fire roaring in the center and the facilitators preparing for the second Ayahuasca ceremony. At this point, my body and mind were exhausted from the Temazcal and a lack of sleep from the night before, but an embodiment of confidence was felt within me. After already experiencing the first night of Ayahuasca and pushing through the sweat lodge, bodily energy was releasedātension stored in the body.
Unlike the first cup during the first ceremony, I immediately felt the force of the medicine from the first cup of the second ceremony. The power of visuals, emotional, and physical activation resonated similarly to the first ceremony but with a different tone. A little calmer than the first. Music flowed, and this night, many of the other participants purged throughout the entire night. Purging in the form of puking or emotional release.
The final three hours of the ceremony consisted of healing insights.Ā Healing insights that were profoundly effective in providing a different perspective towards some events that occurred in my life that consisted of pain, shame, guilt, and sorrow.Ā I began to question the source of this flow of consciousness. The wisdom provided through my thought process was unlike anything I had ever experienced. And it lasted for three hours. Three hours of staring into the fire, observing my thoughts and feelings go by. It felt as if decades of therapy were packed into two nights.
Throughout the two nights, in between some of the songs, K would pause the music-making and drop surreal wisdom. It was as if his consciousness was unified with my own and the people participating because the wisdom he vocalized aligned with my flow of consciousness and my emotions. I am eternally grateful to all of the facilitators.
Waterfall & Resonance.
The second ceremony concluded in the morning with a sharing circle, embers of the fire crackling. We were able to hear some of the participants express themselves fully. At this point, my heart was whole, my head was clear, and I was in a prolonged feeling of awe towards what had just occurred the past two nights. For the first time, I felt my soul shining bright, a sense of inner beauty I hadnāt felt before. We said our goodbyes and left the valley where the temple was located to return to Casa Nautika.
There is a documentary, in which Erick Godsey and Vylana Marcus (starts around 9:49) describe Ayahuasca from their perspective. Both of their descriptions were very helpful for me before and after the ceremonies. Even to this day, months later, I can feel their depiction. Erick has a captivating way of describing it in words:
āImagine that you were in a waking dream that grew in intensity and lasted for eight hours and you did it every other day for three days and that while youāre doing it your soul is singing specific songs to you to amplify it and that youāre seeing multiple threads of the future that you could claim and you donāt know which one is true and then for the next six months you have these sprinkling moments of awareness where you realize that the visions that you had in that waking dream youāre living right nowā¦
Ayahuasca is a combination of a few plants that are indigenous in South America. Itās a very potent psychoactive. And thereās a spirit within it that feels like itās actively in conversation with you in a way that is going to challenge you and is seeking to transform you and if youāre in resistance to this very powerful force that is trying to transform you it can be the hardest experience of your life. Because itās like an acorn trying to say no Iām not going to crack open and the force inside the acorn is like, Iām not asking if you want to, Iām showing you how youāre going to.
And Vylana goes on:
Itās its own soul that takes you deeply into the depths of yourself to help bring more light into your life through facing off with whatever it is that you are ready to face off with.
It is, she is, grandmother, is a being of unconditional love. If you imagine your grandmother, imagine the way that your grandmother would teach you. Thatās Ayahuasca, itās with so much love.
Sometimes lessons arenāt easy, youāre a bad kid or youāve done something wrong. Grandmother energy isnāt this like energy of punishment, itās, āHow can I teach you my child? How can I teach you in the way that youāll listen, in the way that I see you, in the way that youāll evolve?āā
The next day we hiked a mountain covered in lush jungle. There was no better way to absorb all of what ensued the nights previouslyāphysically hiking deep in nature. When we arrived at the waterfall, I was surprised to find a cliff overhang that protected beds from rain and a kitchen for cooking meals. Throughout the day, we conversed about what we had experienced and hopped into a pool of water where the waterfall was. We enjoyed Mother Nature, started a fire at nightfall, and eventually went to bed with the sound of rushing water and the songs of birds and insects.
The remainder of the Immerse retreat consisted of exploring Dominical, swimming in the ocean, and bonding with one another. C performed an amazing light/musical show towards the very end of the journey and provided a lesson on vibrational frequencies on earth and the universe.
As I type these last sentences, Iām back in the busyness of the United States lifestyle just about two months later. People have asked me what behavioral changes I have implemented within my day-to-day. There are a few practices, and I am going to get more in depth about the internal, transformative effects. I plan on writing about them and further writings about Ayahuasca, so stay tuned and subscribe below if you wish to follow along my journey.
With that, I will leave a quote fromĀ Alex:
āThe higher powers constantly requires transformation so that man can be kept on the path. This is required because oneās path becomes dangerous when oneās self is not truthful. SebastiĆ£o Mota, one of the main masters of Daime doctrine, affirmed that man must ābeā rather than merely seem āto beā. Therefore, the process of being truthful is the science that allows us to safely enter elevated states of consciousness, and to emerge from these states with new acquisitions for the searchā¦
In spite of the invaluable aid that these sacred plants provide for manās spiritual achievements, the work of the āmiraĆ§Ć£oā does not cease when one returns to normal consciousness. Instead, man continues the process of the āmiraĆ§Ć£oā in his daily life by retaining the coherence of its instruction. At times, we can obtain a clear perception of a spiritual reality and life beyond the physical body.ā
Two weeks after the retreat, Jay and I sat down in the studio to talk about the experience. Watch/Listen below via youtube.
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